Au Revoir 2008

Hmm....another year has come to an end. So much has happened. So how was my year...hmm...it was different. A lot of changes have taken place and somehow I embraced every change that came my way.

I realized that yeah bad things happen.... and at that time you have no idea what to do, but just escape from there...but later, even though its slow....good things happen too...and you just don't believe that it is happening with you...and it makes you feel you must just stay there.

People come into your life.... you don't know how where....but they are there....they love you, they care for you....and you wonder sometimes ‘am I worth it’. But what the heck just love them back.... embrace the moments, embrace the people who are there with you... quit questioning your happiness.

I can give excessive happiness and love to a person and can also hurt and upset that person really badly.

Life can be busy....well it is busy....but you can always take out time for people...even if it's a little time...it's worth it.

It’s great getting high...really high sometimes.... it's like knowing an alternate you.

At times you don't know how to react to things that happen.... one is because you can't do anything about it...and you don't know what to do about it... and end up being a silent spectator.

These are just some random jottings...reflecting back on 2008.

Celebrate the coming year and enjoy every bit of it. Take care guys....

Happy Crazy New Year!!

Scribbles :)

19:11

So it was my birthday on the 19th. I had a great birthday... had pre and post birthday celebrations too :) It felt it would never end... and I didn't want it to end too. This was one of my best birthdays. It was like I celebrated all of my crappy birthdays that I've had earlier, on this birthday. It was a celebration of all the people in my life who have loved and cared for me. A celebration of all my friends who have touched my life and been there....old and new friends. A celebration of my achievements and failures which I learnt from. People celebrated me for being in this world, for being in their lives, for being with them. Thank you.

After a long time

Right now I'm feeling really nice and excited. Having these feelings after such a long time. It's nice to be crazily thinking about someone and that person going crazy too thinking about me :)
I was telling that person that I feel like a 14 year old,
Secretly smiling...
Scribbling while I'm studying...
Lost in thoughts...
Eager to tell my girlfriends about the excitement I'm feeling...
Making a special entry in my journal...
Getting goose bumps while I'm being flattered...
Dialing the phone number and thinking should I or shouldn't call...
Conversations playing over and over again in my head...
Wondering what would happen tomorrow...

So many pages to read :)

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.

-St. Augustine.

In the state of fear

I met some random person online in one of the Indian chat rooms. He was from China. We exchanged names....and well his name didn't sound chinese...it was more Indian, and I said it was more like an Indian name...thinking still he is a Chinese. Then he said...that no he was an Indian only just working in China. Hmm...then we went on talking abt the place there and comparing it with Bombay and all that. Then I told him that it was Dussera. And he was like oh!...but I am a Muslim. And I was like so!!? He didn't really say anything and we wished Happy Dussera to each other. And we continued with our conversation.

Then he says something and says, "you know na I'm a Muslim?" and I was like, "huh!? Why are u stressing on you being a Muslim!?" Then he said that once he was chatting with some random person, and it was a nice conversation...and somehow it came to a topic that he told that person that he was a Muslim. As soon as he told that person....she just cut him off by saying I don't want to talk to you and don't buzz me. I was silent I didn't know what to say. Then he said, "I'm sorry I came on you like that by saying I'm a Muslim...cause I didn't know if you would have spoken to me, if u got to know later. But it's really nice that u are not doing the same thing that she did." I said, "That's really bad and painful ya...and now it is like everytime u chat with someone u have to tell them what ur background is which is not necessary at all....n then only continue the conversation..." Then we both were silent and we talk about something else....then he says, "you know when I was talking about that girl who cut me off....tears just filled my eyes... and its not only that. Here... when I go to the mosque and I get out to catch a cab home....they don't stop. I'm very proud to be in this relgion....but people just look at me as if I don't deserve to live in this world....it just hurts...it hurts very badly."

My Elf :)

Okay, so I had been super busy with my practice teaching n college work. I had to give lessons back to back. The last day of lessons for that particular school, I had to deliver 2 lessons. Got my rough draft approved just the previous day...and my guide told me for homes of animals (that was my lesson) if I could make a model it would be nicer. Damn! Model! 2 lessons! Damn! My lesson plan was to have cut outs of animals n show it on the chart where their homes would be drawn. But yeah I agreed that a model would be more attractive and since my student was ADHD, this would make her pay attention and for a longer period of time. Anyway so, I came home....I was so tired with all the lessons I had during the week.

I got the animals from somewhere. I started cutting the pieces of thermacol that was there at home, cut the cardboard....and my eyes started closing...almost falling I must say. I had to finish this plus I had to write both my lesson plans in fair. The second lesson, I didn't really have to prepare for that except for writing it in fair. So I thought, I'll sleep for sometime it was 23:30 hrs and would wake up by 2:00 hrs. So I slept... and automatically I wake up at 5:20 hrs. I was like shit....my model...fair copies....3 hours left....aaaah! I ran into the room where I was working....and there my model was ready!! Tada.

My father made it for me :) He stayed up all night and just some 45 mins before I woke up he had gone to sleep. I was so happy, I was all smiling...I smiled at him. He said, “I read the content in your rough copy of your lesson that was here. And I know you were tired. I didn’t want to wake you up.” I couldn't stop smiling. It reminded me of the story of the cobbler and the elves who made the shoes for him.

So I only had to write my plans in fair...and I gave my lesson...which was quite good. My student really liked the model and wanted to continue playing with the animals and putting them into their homes even after the lesson got over. So that's that.

My Elf....My Dad- Thank you :)

Helen Keller

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart."

- Helen Keller (1880- 1968)

She was the first person who was deafblind to graduate from college. The movie 'Black' was based on her life.

I received a forwarded SMS which said, "People die early because God loves them very much. So if you are still on Earth, it probably means someone loves you more than God does..."
I know it sounds silly, but I wanted to believe this.

Over the years...

Ten years ago I wanted to do something, but wasn’t serious about it…today I am doing something else that I never thought or heard of at that time, but I’m serious about it.
Nine years ago I was in love with someone and wanted to spend the rest of my life with that someone…today we are just on each other’s messenger list.
Eight years ago I thought the world would come to an end or aliens or robots or giant creatures would invade it entering the 21st century…today I’m still living on Earth with no invasions.
Seven years ago I entered a whole new world of college life, was immature, reserved, didn’t know where I was heading to…today I have entered another whole new world of professionalism, I’m mature, open, experienced and I know where I am heading.
Six years ago I wanted something really bad, the wanting faded, I didn’t get it… today I wanted something else really bad, the wanting stayed on…I got it.
Five years ago was the first time I worked in a corporate world… today I’m glad I did, it made me realise that it is not where I want to be.
Four years ago I met someone, we loved each other, promised we would be friends for eternity… today we don’t include each other in our respective lives.
Three years ago I didn’t want that year to end cuz I didn’t know what to do with my life after that year… today I’m excited about the following years to come knowing that there’s so much to do.
Two years ago I did nothing, I hated doing nothing… today I’m doing something and there’s so much to do, that there’s no time to do nothing.
One year ago I didn’t think I would blog ever, cuz I thought nobody would want to read what I write… today I think I can write about certain things on my blog and strangely people do read it.

And today is a beautiful day :)
Cheers!

Who has the time!

Email:
Sunday
Dear Piro,
Thank you for letting me know about the place, it really helped. But I'm sorry I couldn't come to ur office, I had to go to work. Next time, whenever I come that side I'll surely drop by. Take care and see u sometime soon.

Scribbles.

Monday
Hey,
Oh nice. I'm glad it was of any help to u. u should come here ya, was thinking about u this morning itself. I don't know why am I feeling very very sad. Hope to see u soon.

Piro.

SMS:
Tuesday
Scribbles: Hey Piro, I read ur mail yesterday. I want to meet u. I'll come to ur place today in the evening.
Piro: Oh hi, I won't be able to meet you today, I'm going for my cousin's birthday after work. Can we meet tomorrow?
Scribbles: Oh ok. I'll let you know if I can meet you tomorrow. take care ok...bye.

Wednesday
Scribbles: Piro, I'm sorry I can't meet you today, I'm tied up with work and tomorrow too. Could we meet on Saturday?
Piro: Hmm...I'm not sure about Saturday. will let u know.

Friday
(Morning)
Scribbles: Hey, I'm free today... can you meet after ur work? I'm fine even if its late in the evening.
Piro: Ya. I'll call u up as soon as I reach home.

(Evening)
Piro: Sorry Scribbles, I so want to meet you, but there are guests at home, they came unexpectedly. I'm not free tomorrow. See if Sunday is okay with u.
Scribbles: Arre it's ok. Don't say sorry n all. Its just funny that we so want to meet up but we just can't. Anyway Sunday, i'll try but I'm not sure if I'll be at home. We'll see when can we meet. Bye.

Losing Memory

I’m sitting at the station waiting for the train…a girl comes and calls my name…n I am trying to recognize her face n the train comes..
Me: “Abigail..! Hi… shit I didn’t recognize u. How are you….”
Abigail: “Man…its been long since I’ve seen u…”
Me: “Yah I know. You know I had met ur sister in 2004…at a shoe store Bandra…she was getting married at that time right!?”
Abigail: “No she’s getting married this year.”
Me: “Huh!” was that her sister..!? she sounds different…did she always talk like this…her teeth are different too. Flashback…class 3…Abigail my partner…class 6 no 7 no….aarrgh…was that her sister I met..!?
Abigail: “So what are u doing…blah la la…you still stay at GF, I don’t see you around”
Me: “I’m doing blah la la…yah I don’t come that side"…aaah where does she stay..!? "ok I’m getting off here…got some work. It was nice seeing you…take care….bye”
I get off the train…whose sister did I meet!?

I’m in the bus, I notice Cynthia..
Me: “Hey, Cynthia!”
Cynthia: “Oh hi…how are you..!”
Me: “I’m nice. I thought u were not in Bombay.”
Cynthia: “Huh! Why did u think that!?”
Me: “I don’t know. You were here all the time!…ok.” who is not in Bombay then!?
Cynthia: “So you finished third year at SPH college only.”
Me: “yah…which college were u in…WL right.”
Cynthia: “ Dude I was in your history class….what u don’t remember! Remember those long lectures…I was in SPH only.”
Me: “Huh" ….when…History? Flashback…Cynthia…Nat…Mat…WL college…SPH college.. History class??
Me: “Weren’t u at WL? With Nat Mat? Oh that was junior college…oh n later u came to SPH…aaahh…” shit I can’t remember her in class!!
Cynthia: “Yah that was long time back…I left SPH in the second year…”
Me: “ahh…” she left college also…

Pangea Day

Hey,
This is for all of you who were not aware, or couldn't catch the event... 10th May was Pangea Day. It was telecasted on Star World on 10th May 11:35 pm IST. Films made by the world for the world.

The Pangea Day Mission & Purpose
Pangea Day is a global event bringing the world together through film.

Why? In a world where people are often divided by borders, difference, and conflict, it's easy to lose sight of what we all have in common. Pangea Day seeks to overcome that – to help people see themselves in others – through the power of film.

You can view the films on the website www.pangeaday.org
There were a few films from India too. Please try to check it out...it's beautiful and very inspiring.

Pangea means the present continents was one entire super continent that existed about 250 million years ago and later it moved on to be separate continents.

Just

Hey people, feels like its been long since I posted something new here. Anyway...just simply writing. Arre something funny happened... last night there was this baby lizard in my room...it was running around the whole time. I didn't care much... cuz it goes and hides somewhere n comes back the next day. I just watch it's movements. Anyway then I put my bed down n yeah slept through the night. Got up this morning, folded my bedsheets n my bed n I saw the lizard was smashed under my bed!! And I was like aaaww! I was thinking shit I killed a lizard by sleeping over it. anyway so yeah that's it. hah. So how are u guys doing? yeah right, like u would answer that. It's getting hot here... but pleasant in the evenings. I want to start cycling, but lazy. Want to swim, but its expensive...uff! Chal fir... I'll come back some other time...so long then take care... I'll go n sun bathe...hee!

The little things that make me smile

Just randomly when I check the time on my cell phone and at that time it shows 19:11. Its my birth date.

When I see a street dog sleeping, yawning and stretching all at the same time.

Wondering why is the atm machine saying my card has expired when its written valid up to March 2008... not realizing the month is over.

At home we call Bournvita, Ovaltine.

As soon as I pour water to the plants, the pigeons come to drink from it.

When I outline a kid's palm on paper and the excitement they show.

The balloon walla with big balloons.

The shiny toys sold that fly up in the air. Seen it at the stations and at Juhu beach.

A truck filled with bananas.

Making something for someone and thinking about their reaction.

Waking up early and writing this post.

Some time alone

Sitting at Marine Drive. The sea is so beautiful, infinite. The sun is about to set. The sky is yellow red orange blue. Not bothered by anyone and who's looking. Cut off from the traffic, wind blowing through my hair. Feeling comfortable. Just me, the sea and the sun.

Sitting in a Churchgate bound train. Slightly empty compartment. Watching other trains go by. Eyes moving rapidly. Holding a book in my hand and my finger as a bookmark. Thoughts of me jumping off the train. It's dark outside, beautifully dark. Just me, the book and the thought.

How happy is this women’s day!

“No you can’t work, the women in our family don’t work. How much more do you want to study… enough. We won’t be able to find a husband as qualified as you are!”

“I can’t talk to my parents about him, I’ll only be sitting at home…and I just can’t do that.”

“Just once I tried smoking and she got to know. I told her I am not into anything and now all mom does is doubt me, always asking me where am I going, what am I doing, what the hell leave me alone!”

“Granny and I were watching the news where the girl got raped by the cab guy. She was returning home at 3 am from work and granny blames her for the rape…so tomorrow if I am in her place I’ll be blamed na…nonsense!”

“Pa, I like this course, its not so expensive... I want to do it.” “No need, concentrate on losing weight!”

“Why does she have to be so nice and caring towards him he doesn’t do anything, he doesn't even care. I come home tired, I do the chores…and she doesn’t talk to me properly.”

“There is someone that I really love and he is the one I want to marry.” “oh, so this is what happens...send you to do this post graduation and all...Here on no going to college, you are not doing anything. No going out, nothing.”

“ I have to go it’s 11:30pm… dad will kill me if he sees me still chatting, my brother has not come home as yet…anyway will catch you later, bye.”

“Where are you going? With whom are you going? What time are you coming back?”

“Why are you wearing shorts and going out … you just want to attract attention!”

“They just want to get rid of me…why…I don’t want to get married now.”

“Don’t whistle, girls don’t whistle…it doesn't look nice.”

How do you interpret this!?

Chuang Tzu and Hui Tzu were strolling along the dam of the Hao river, when Chuang Tzu said, "See how the Minnows come out and dart around where they please. That's what fish really enjoy."
Hui Tzu said, "You're not a fish- how do you know what fish enjoy?"
Chuang tzu said, "You're not I , so how do you know, I don't know what fish enjoy?"
Hui Tzu said, "I'm not you, so I certainly don't know what you know. On the other hand, you're certainly not a fish- so that still proves you don't know what fish enjoy."
Chuang tzu said, "Let's go back to your original question. You ask me how I know what fish enjoy- so you already knew I knew it when you asked the question. I know it by standing here beside the Hao."

All in a [frame]

Cow sits chewing grass at the side of the road- black smoke from a car- two street children hitting each other -somebody spits from the bus- a woman wearing a white mask over her mouth- a boy adjusting the chain of his bicycle- a cigarette butt tossed over the road from a rickshaw - a family on a bike- an ad of sabse sasta teen din.

Scarred

It was this day that Somi found out something really horrible about his father. For some reason he used his father’s cell phone that day. His father hates it when anyone touches his phone. Browsing through the phone he went to the picture gallery…. and there he found obscene pictures of his father and a kid who looked familiar…. who he later remembered was his neighbour in the previous building they stayed a few years ago. Somi checked the date of the snap, it was just the day before.

Somi couldn’t take it. He wanted to puke, he felt so sick. He couldn’t think of anything. After some time…. he decides to tell his mother about it.

His mother was in the kitchen…Somi didn’t know how to tell her what her husband is up to. She turns around and in a surprise… “Oh, you are up so soon. Good... for once you’ll be early to college.”
“Ma, there’s something I need to tell you…but…uh…”
“haan haan…but first you have your breakfast…and..” moving to the drawing room, somi following her…
“no ma…I need to talk to u now…now”
“ok baba…tell me….what is it…hmm...how much money did you spend!?” both of them standing face to face next to the dinning table.
“No ma, listen now…u know how papa doesn’t like anyone touching his phone…and you never wondered why doesn’t he let anyone use his phone…even when it was an emergency…remember…”
“yah…what are u saying…you used papa’s phone…he’ll….”
“Ma I don’t care what he’ll do…do you know what I found in his phone…remember Nini...there were naked pictures of her in his phone…ma naked!!”
“Somi stop talking rubbish…. and why did u use his phone in the first place…” looking at him and arranging the plates on the table.
“Do you understand what I am saying…. you just heard what I said…and you are worried why did I use papa’s phone!! You don’t believe me ma…your own son…so you want to check it out…wait I’ll just bring his phone” he starts moving towards the bedroom…but she stops him..
“No, no…wait…shh...he'll get disturbed and will wake up in an angry mood. I…I.. know how papa is.” She turns and her back faces Somi.
“You do!! What do you mean, you are aware of all this!?!”
“No! I didn’t know this. But when Sanchi was little he…he did things…”
“What!! Gosh this is so sick…that bastard….with didi!! Didi.. ma…!! And in spite of that you let your husband choose a groom and arrange her marriage!! Ma how the hell could you!! You are still living with him…do you get it…your husband is a fucking asshole!!” and she turns abruptly n slaps him.
“Stop it!!….don’t talk abt your father like that.” Silence …. “I had no choice…. I just didn’t have any choice. I couldn’t do anything….I couldn’t go anywhere. I was expecting you…I left everyone, everything behind…” she sits down, head hanging low, hands at the edge of the table.
“I don’t know how can you respect that man…don’t give me that crap ma…. just don’t.” he grabs his bag from the side of the table, puts on his watch…n leaves the house banging the door behind.

She is sitting there silently…

Just then the father comes into the drawing room “What happened? Something fell?”
“Na it was just Somi…he left” she gets up, her eyes to the floor…. moves to the kitchen…and like a song, those lines play in her head … do u get it your husband is a fucking asshole!
“Laja…make my breakfast…I’ll leave early…I have a meeting.”
It goes on and on….while she is chopping onions….she is simultaneously thinking… meeting?… since when. He said it would never happen again. He promised. I had forgiven him. Is Somi right? Why would he make up something like that! I gave Neer his space…I didn’t doubt him after that… I trusted him. I trusted him…do u get it your husband is a fucking asshole! …what do I do…aaahhh…. what do I do…Somi I hope you are alright…please take care of yourself.

Neer is ready, sitting at the dinning table waiting impatiently for his breakfast…“Laja…I have to go…”
She gets the breakfast…places the tea carefully on the table…looks at him…he looks back...smiles…looks down n starts eating…she continues to look at him…with his mouth full…he looks at her…. and she stabs him!

Laja gets out of the house... there was no news about her.

Somi didn't return home that day... he didn't return ever.

Neer sustained the stab...but suffered later. Probably that is what Laja wanted.

I Read, I Learn

Finally I have something to post here thanks to White Diary for tagging me. I have been so blank all this while....I didn't know what new to write. Anyway this tag is about books...hmm...I am not quite a reader....sometimes I judge a book by its cover...n quite a few times my judgements turned out to be correct. Anyway here goes my tag...

Total number of books I own:
A few.. maybe it comes up to 10...includes non-fictional. As a child I owned a lot of books n now its passed on to my niece.

Last book I bought:
Ladies coupe, Anita Nair. November 2005. It was for an assignment for my Sociology paper.

Last book I was gifted:
Death on the Nile; Unexpected guest both by Agatha Christie. Christmas 2003 gifted by my sister.

I am currently reading:
Well just finished reading a few days ago One Night @ the call centre, Chetan Bhagat.

Three books I started reading but never completed:
Three..haha..so many books I never finished reading. Ok I'll name three...My experiments with truth, M.K. Gandhi; One, Richard Bach; Moving On, Shashi Deshpande.Will definitely try to finish reading Moving On one day...couldn't complete it cuz I had too many assignments that time n later when I had the time the book wasn't there in the library..n it's over my budget to buy the book.

One book, which I gave to somebody else, but never got back:
There again...I had given many books to many people n didn't get them back...n some I don't remember if I had given it to someone or I kept it somewhere that I can't find now. But one book I want back is Harriet the spy...my long lost childhood book!

Total number of E-books I own:
None...

My most treasured books:
Treasured books....hmm...
Clear light of day, Anita Desai.

People I would like to tag:
Aster I tag u..go ahead showcase your love for books! I'm so glad u are back to blogging..cheers!