Do Hazaar Gyarah Ka The End

A post after a long time and I still have nothing to write. I'm just here to update it, as the year comes to an end.
To sum it up...this year was the most difficult, the most stressful.
But I am fine...have been fine.

Hoping for a better tomorrow, a better year ahead.

Take care people.

Do Hazaar Barah Mubaraq Ho!

Letter to Myself at 16

Dearest darling C16,

I'm glad I'm writing to u C. I know you are enjoying the whole new world of college, different people, different opinions, different thoughts...nobody there knows you and that makes you feel good and secured. Don't be afraid to make new friends...don't doubt them..you will see how they stick on with you no matter what happens.

Dude, stay calm however irritated and fcked you are....its not gonna take u anywhere and people will start keeping a distance from u if u behave like a rude bitch!

I know you are hurting and trying your best to get out of the pains of a break up. In time, things will be fine with u...but talk it out to someone...to a friend...u need to let it out.

C, change is natural...it is a part of life...I know so many things are changing in your family...and u feel alone and stranded...but hang on....you will see how there will be more changes that you will feel good about, that u will like.

Don't hate ur folks, they love u and will need you much more than u had ever thought.

Continue to write and keep your letters...cuz soon the idea of letter writing will vanish. Continue to write in your journal...that will always be with u...in ur happiest and worst days. Continue to play music...learn more of it...it cleanses the soul. Work on ur stamina girl....I can see u are losing it...run like how u used to...keep cycling.

Accept defeat....but next time do much much better....don't waste your time sulking around.

Take up jobs...volunteer...its okay even if u don't like it...it will teach u a lot of things and you will know what you really want to do with ur life. I know you are at a stage where you don't know what u are gonna do with ur life....don't worry...you will find what you want to do and believe me, you will love it.

Don't think u are alone C, u have so many people to care for u and who love u..Just that u don't know and can't see it but they are there....and will always be there. Don't be a worrier. It's never an end...there's so much to life...so much more to see and u will be surprised how fascinating life can be.

Take care. Have fun.

Love u always,

C25.

Bumped into this idea from this post...loved it and wanted to do the same.

Extremely Bored

I am staring at the screen and the keyboard and I don't know what do I want to type in here.

There is a whole of things that is going on in my head...and I just don't know what it is...why it is...and how do I make myself feel alright.

I am trying to fine tune the unfineness...but I think I am going crazy.

I am still staring at the screen and the keyboard...

I am extremely bored as the title says... the same thing everyday....I don't think I have any choice either to make things feel different.

Like TRC shared with me, saying that nothing charms him anymore the way it used to be... I exactly know how that feeling is.

I am tired... not sure frustrated...but I am tired.

End of each day

She stands there under the shower

Letting the gush of water wash his filth off her body

She turns it off

Wipes herself

Slips into her bed

Cries herself to sleep

And she wishes

To not wake up at all

Dearest Team Mate

It's amazing how you have handled her in her sickness.

She trusts you...she loves you...she can't do without you.

I know the years you both have spent together hasn't been very pleasant.

But you both stuck by each other.

She feels safe with you.

You are her punching bag.

I know it hurts you but I even know how much you love her.

You care so much.

You are so patient.

You have balanced our lives.

And at the end of everyday you smile.

We have not always got along,

But we've had our share of great times together.

Today we are a team.

And I love being your team mate.

I love you.

I have seldom felt and told you.

But I love you more and I love her too a lot

Things may change.

Time will change it.

But I know we will always be a team.

A family.

The Swing

This reminds me of...

How peaceful it used to be when I used to sit on the swing..

How beautiful it felt when I closed my eyes and I pushed myself up above the ground imagining that I was flying..

Those days where I had so much time to play..

The fights I had to just get the swing..

The fall I had from the swing and I was held and caressed by my mother..

The circles made intertwining the iron chains and getting giddy after that..

The challenges taken of who jumped the furthest from the swing..

The girl talks about toys and boys..

The time that singing and swinging was so much fun..

The wait for the evening to just go and swing..

This picture was taken at Priya's garden.

Detached

I sit here and I wonder are you coming back.

I look around the room... the walls, the bed, the cupboard, the shelf.

It is screaming your name.

It is not fair u left me stranded here.

You promised you would be with me always.

You promised you would come back each time you went away.

Why cant you this time!

It gives me no reason to come back home.

It is empty.

It makes me sick to not have you around.

You said I will get used to it...I don't want to..

I just want you.